leaving work

Its been about two weeks since I left my community clinic; that was pretty tough the first day I must admit. I listened to a bunch of Audioslave songs on my way out from work and felt fairly sad. The hardest thing I think for me was checking my office one last time. Those who know me know I have OCD traits of compulsive safety checking (hooray!) since like forever, including making sure my locker was locked in junior high and high school; that I had left nothing behind when I left my desk or seat in a restaurant or classroom or coffee shop; that I had locked the door and turned off the stove…etc. I usually check a few things before I leave my clinic- that I had locked the computer (because I have the fear of God instilled in me from AHS policies regarding patient confidentiality), and that my heater is turned off and unplugged (because I saw the heater actually melt a plug once and don’t want to be that guy that burned the hospital down because he was a bit chilly in his office). Alas, as I did my final check…I was a bit torn up. This was my last check there, and I would not need to worry about coming back to make sure it would be fine the next day. Hanging up the weights for the last time on my staff gym rack (and making a high in my bench press- 16 sets of 4 reps at 260lbs on Smith machine if I can recall correctly- which has promptly gone down to barely getting my 8 sets in now at 200 lbs with dumbbells- more on that later), eating lunch with the staff crew for one last time…it was a bit much. I regret a lot not eating more with my colleagues. There are a great bunch of people there; as I felt my caseload increased and clinic responsibilities became more pressing, I started cutting time away from things, feeling like I must be following up more often with work stuff; it pulled me away from my lunch time with my crew, a crew that helped me survive some serious stressors like when my team had a total apocalypse right when I started. I had some amazing laughs on the staff patio over lunch…should have been doing this more. Oh well.

I definitely have appreciated the time I have on my hands now- going from a 1.2 FTE to a 0.6FTE is a massive difference and certainly has opened up my days for flexibility. I am working much more on my thesis now- which is promising, and having a lot more headspace to do work. Ideally I will like spending more time on self growth as well, but thesis first. I have been running a lot more this last month; not sure why, because I hated running in my travels, but it might be because I really love the running trails near my area and I am desperate to use as much outdoor time before winter comes (which seems like now). I did do stairs once quite recently indoors and I killed it I think in terms of time. What is interesting is that the running and intermittent fasting I am doing seemed to be doing a combo with each other and working well with cutting. Its however, messing my strength up- today I met failure on the ninth set on my chest workout- I have been able to crush the workout fairly easily till the last four sets in a 24 set workout  have made, so it was quite surprising to me. I actually put a shirt away because I did not fill the shirt out in my chest and arms like I am accustomed to. Surprise. But I am happy how my cut has been with the fit of my t shirts, my usual bane of aesthetics, so that was nice. Its getting cold enough that soon I won’t have to worry if I am running too much, as I will be locked inside with more strength workout focus (and stairs and sprints on treadmill), so I’m just going to enjoy outdoors as much as I can.

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