Hot day in the grad office- what the hell happened to me.

I’ve realized that I am at a moment in my life where I feel absolutely unmotivated in all areas of my life. I was talking to one of my best bud’s S, and we were reminiscing about our weight lifting spotting days back in 2008 and 2009. There was a time when I would wake up every day and just be ready to grab the tiger by its balls (for lack of better terms). I was so energized, so ready to accomplish things. My GPA was stellar and an incredibly important component of my self-identity. My ability to life heavier and for more reps was a huge component of my self-identity. I wanted to get into graduate school with my marks. I wanted to get into a professional program and show the world that I could break through. I wanted to find a wonderful woman to settle with. I wanted to become assertive and powerful in my communication and develop deep intimate relationships with my friends. 

What happened?

I did all of that. I managed to fulfil my life goals. And then I stopped. I contemplated my achievements, felt proud and then gloated in my abilities. I became self satiating and ignored everything else. 

S made an excellent point that I never thought about. I never made new goals after that. I stopped caring. I was satisfied with what I had done and didn’t push forward. I realize now that is why instead of settling into this Jack of all trades, master of none, I have become the Jackass of all trades, master of none. I am now considerably worse in most areas if not all areas of my life. I have so much potential, so many avenues to expand and such an incredible pool of resources to build off of and I am doing nothing with them. It angers me to think I have let myself down this far. This perspective is spilling into all things that I am involved with and the fact that I have so much help and so many great things to build off of and am doing nothing with them is incredibly stupid and wasteful. 

Its time for change. Its time to become that goal setting fool I was in senior undergrad and kick ass in all areas of life. Its time to be proud of what I do and push for more. 

I am better than this. 

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