Wow this shit just got real

So I checked my first mark of my doctoral program last morning and I bombed the shit out of it. Not really great foreshadowing if you ask me! I am kind of half and half about it. I know that I had an absolutely terrible week for that assignment and that my professor knew about it, but its kind of disheartening to see that. Gah. I am surprisingly quite fine about the mark though relative to what I would have been like before, namely massive panic attack and in need of hugs for 24 hours straight. I guess part of me is just like damn it, you made it to the doctoral program and you should chill the hell out about marks. With work going really well and me not really giving a shit about scholarships, the only real incentive for high grades is personal achievement. Of course I want to do well, but I don’t want to be caught up in the grade wars that my senior years of undergrad had, in my massive panic attack of not being able to get in the psychology program because of marks. HOWEVER, I do want to focus on learning the material damn well and being a damn fine psychologist, a strict difference in comparison to achieving high marks. It feels quite good letting go, but part of me is still oh shit oh shit oh shit omg omg omg. Which is only natural given that I would never have ended up here without my psycho work ethic that I busted out before getting in the program. Just kind of sucks.

I got to write my case study about generalized anxiety disorder for my psychopathology class and it was fuckign awesome. I don’t think I have been that excited to read about content in a long time. I guess it really hit home for me because of the anxiety I struggle with on a day to day basis and it was just great reading about the causes and treatments. I sometimes question my career path because of my unbelievable love for technology and how I might be going down the wrong path, but this psychopathology class and the topic of anxiety really brought me back to psych again. I definitely want to be in this area, I just need to flesh out the role of psychology I want to develop myself towards.
I feel really blessed to have this career pathway ahead of me, and just can’t believe everything has worked out so well. I am looking at my reshined undergraduate grad ring and its just amazing how different things have changed in the last few years since I got it.

Went out to visit my folks at home and it was just such a homesick moment haha. It was great talking with my rents like I have never done when I lived there. I think moving out has really made both my parents and I (me especially) realize how cherished our relationship really is, and I believe its gotten that much better. Just washing some dishes and chatting with them was just great. This is where I want to spend my time, with my family and friends, and not the internet (and OMG Reddit). I am so glad I have the car to spend those moments with them at ease.

I am sitting in McDonald’s right now blogging. Its really nice to be away from home and just go out somewhere. Had to pick up a box from Purolator because of a nightmare with Sony, ran to London Drugs to check out cameras and now just enjoying a ginger spice muffin and coffee. Stopped caring too much about calrories, as I now know that I am damn hard working with my gym and whether I achieve that beach bod is not really that important to me anymore. As long as I am relatively fit. Its so pleasant out here just to get away. I am so glad that I have my car now, it makes these quick excursions really manageable, easy to do and really helps with breaking the monotonous tone of graduate student life. Plus listening to my AWESOME Sony XBA3s and Walkman Z makes it a perfect on the go audiophile setup.

I tried out the Fujifilm X10, Canon G12, Nikon P7100 and Canon G1X today (no P7700 anywhere! Apparently they aren’t ordering it in out of fear of it not selling well). Really hated the weight of the G1X, despite the large sensor advantages. It is just too damn heavy for one handed shooting and eye level shooting is terrible with its craptacular optical view finder. Plus the macro was terrible on the G1X, and I shoot a large number of macro shots everyday. So I feel pretty confident on exing it out. The Fuji X10 was actually pretty sweet and the viewfinder massively better (but still nowhere near DSLR like), but the lack of vari-angle LCD was a turn off for me. The Canon G12 was just meh to me, but the Nikon P7100 really naile dit for me. Small enough for one handed shooting and the vari-angle LCD was perfect for the day to day street shooting I love doing (minimizes the HEY LOOK I HAVE A CAMERA POINTED AT YOU look). I love shooting everyday happenings, but sometimes when you have the camera and your body pointed to the subject, it just kills the natural settings and suddenly everyone is looking at you and then boom you’ve lost your shot. The P7700 definitely looks like its the camera to replace my trustworthy P5100 and I am very very excited about it. Also Aden Camera has a bonus Nikon branded leather case with it! I love OEM swag.

My phone is a piece of crap. Dropped calls, reverse calls (when I answer, it starts calling the person back without letting me pick up WTF), battery drains like no other. This phone is easily the biggest piece of crap I have used in a long time. TERRIBLE JOB RIM on a flagship phone too! And to think this is the only major release they have had in a good two years? Damn, no wonder the company is sinking. I really want them to succeed but this is plain shit.

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