I’ve been really thinking about why I feel such cognitive dissonance right now and mostly in the past few years and I can’t really think of anything that has changed much or that I haven’t begun progress in other than academics. I feel that I’ve been focused on bringing my relationships with my family, friends and partner into a better focus, my physical fitness has gone up quite well especially since the Spartan Race and I’ve managed to get into my doctoral program in the end. However as much as I feel that I am balancing out my relationships, health and academics, I definitely do not feel that my academics are upto par with where I know they can be. I know that my academic career was at an all time high in 2007, when my GPA was deadly hot and I was a cocky bastard about it. Ok I wasn’t that cocky, but it was a shining moment for me, knowing that I was eating up the bell curve like no other. Where am I at today? I kind of feel that I am just adequate enough to qualify, whether it is in the submitted work I put in, my grades and I guess just overall workmanship. I know I can do better and I need to do it better. My actual and idealized self are at odds with each other and I know there’s more area for me to grow in. This week, I am going to transform into that academic monster that I used to be and eat those books like no other. I’ve been there before and I will be there again.