Its pretty amazing how much more aware of my metacognitive functioning I am now, in comparison to my undergrad days. It is unfortunate that I still feel a severe discrepency and dissonance between my ideal and actual self (forgetting which psychologist emphasized this in their system of psychotherapy). There is still much I have left to do before I feel remotely close to achieving my ideal self. One of these areas is my own thought patterns pans out and how this affects my mood and behaviors. I’m aware of thoughts that are self defeating, that are maladaptive and that reinforce undesirable behavior. I can place a greater degree of uncertainty on why I perform particular actions, and what interventions should follow suit to remedy the problem. A lot more so than before. Unfortunately that’s where the happy story ends. I have immense difficulty implementing my own solutions, and it has become apparent why a third party that is impartial to the party is required for effective psychotherapy. A simple self implemented cognitive behavioral therapy appears to be largely inadequate in my case.
Anyways, in other news Walmart now carries rotisserie chicken that has been flavored with tandoori spices. It wasn’t as exciting as I thought it might be, and my frozen vegetables didn’t really add much to my taste bud party, but that’s ok. I had plenty to eat for lunch today: half the chicken and veggies!
Also I think I need to keep an online diary of my current thesis work to maintain a track record of where my progress lies. The first goal tonight is to put in two hours of work. Its been pretty tough in consideration that by the time I get home from work, I am dead tired and don’t really want to do anything remotely related to more work. Ah well.
I’m really trying to keep my life active by pushing myself and breaking current trends in activities that I think are a large waste of time. I need to keep small short goals that are akin to my gym regiment. Small, daily and constant. Small enough that I can get them done without being majorly distracted, and see time intervals in smaller usable increments.
Breaking cycles is super tough. Easy enough to preach to clients, difficult as hell to head my words.