>So a few things of note occurred the last two days. Yesterday I was completely owned during a discussion in my ethics of psychology class by my professor. I would love for this to be a time of self disclosure and humbleness but to be honest, I am not even sure why it happened. That somewhat troubles me to think that I can’t find an origin as to where my point of discussion found a sudden arrest in its movement, so I think that might come up as an issue I would like to address later with him. I also found it interesting that I am now much more wary about where I am coming in discussions. Its not just this but from other debates, where I feel like I am just some jerk always with an opinion. I really am trying not to be, but its hard to make the transition from the loopy happy go lucky whatever guy to a person truly interested in debate and validating my opinion. I want to make sure my perspectives have some groundwork in them, and that I am not just am a sack heap of ideas. At the same time, I don’t want to be confrontational just because I feel I need to make a point during every discussion. I’m also not particularly looking for insight every moment. Sigh. Growing pains.

Today was really interesting in that we went through an exercise in our counseling course where the result was approximately 80 percent of my classroom was in tears. Now I am not saying this in a sense that they are weak minded. Far from it. I found it interesting in that this was similar to a previous moment where my partner had broken down during an exam in same said class. Is this because people in this program are much more empathetic and can connect affectively with their clients? I am not sure. I do believe that we are all in this program for a reason, and I am not saying it isn’t professional to feel for the client, its just that I am rather confused, if not frustrated that I am not feeling the same level affectively. I certainly do feel emotive in the sense of connection with the terrible struggles that I heard today. Its just that I wasn’t able to feel it on the level of tears. Perhaps that is more a cultural thing, where masculinity frowns on tears or other forms of external feelings. Still. I felt like a damn robot today without even oil in my tear ducts.

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