I’m struggling to find just how I am interpreting this week’s events. Clearly hassled by my complete lack of concentration and work ethic, my study habits have been faltering as of late. We have had an amazing amount of useful/pertinent/personally interesting material, and all I can have to make up for it is a smattering of internet wastings. I am going to flunk out of psychology school because of failblog.org. Gawd.
Today I had my first pumpkin spice latte from Second Cup of the season. Easily one of my favorite drinks, coupled with some sort of walnut delicacy, I swooned most of the afternoon. I love coffee. It counters my newfound weapon, whitening strips, but I can’t let it down. Coffee easily makes my day that much better. Especially a flavor from Java Jive. Sigh. I want one now.
Anyways, one of the things I am going to do is try to cut my habits down. I know that I reread old reviews all the time, contemplating new equipment (for instance I just discovered the technology of DisplayLink, where I would be able to power a full 1920×1080 res monitor strictly through USB connection, where the graphics power is built into the monitor itself, and I would be able to have three monitors on my desktop setup at 1920 wide resolutions on each! OMG! And the monitor is on clearance! Swoon) and that its such a waste of my quite cherished time. And I do mean that. I am enjoying my life tremendously right now, and one of those reasons is all the avenues of knowledge I have the privilege of exploring. Now that my material is actually useful/applicable, its not only important that I make it a habit to immerse myself into it during off times (not that I really should have that many right now, more like my own self made off times), but the fact that I find much of it quite interesting should be the deal sealer (especially my new project on social anxiety, a personal war of my own). I unfortunately have made it such a habit to cruise mostly unproductive things (like seeking headphones that I am really not planning on buying for another few months), that I can’t quite seem to make myself into the budding professional that I aspire to be. Le sigh.
Anyways what else has happened? When I was shadowing my school psychologist this week, I had the privilege of stepping into the perfect elementary classroom. By perfect, I mean that by my standards, this is exactly what I would have wanted to have my classroom like as a teacher. The teacher taught in such a similar fashion to my style that I wanted to hug her. Which would be very unprofessional. I did give her my props though! Not only was her style very much like my own (high energy, engaging, humorous and student based), she was such a nice person that I almost 180ed and went back into teaching. It really made me question my motives as a psychologist. I realize that there are a smattering of schools where the environment is simply not where I would want to work as a teacher (hence why I enjoy the idea of ignoring all the school politics and working just with the children), but there are also a great number of fantastic schools where I have seen amazing teamwork and collaboration. As a certified teacher, I have to say that I still absolutely love the profession (and I do recognize that my departure is based on a few unfortunate cases of bad apples) and I certainly do see it still making an appearance in my future. However, what I have experienced whilst shadowing has reinforced a really new route, one where I can see eye level with school administration, parents, fellow health care professionals and others, and work collaboratively(I love this term) on my greatest curiosity, how children think. Sigh. Despite my rationale, sometimes I feel betrayal to my love for teaching. It just tears myself a teensy bit (ok who am I kidding, a large huge chunk) of my heart to see such great schools and what teachers are capable of doing when given such support. I hope my future as a psychologist ties in closely with these schools, because there is so much to learn from them. I am currently researching how the profession of school psychology is influenced and why it should change. This is quite interlaced with my past few weeks shadowing, and I will be certain to write an entry on it soon.
Today I experienced a bit too much cockiness/laziness in the gym. I decided to make the jump to bench pressing 110lb dumbbells, but at a smaller amount of reps/sets at 6 sets of 6 reps. I ended up not being able to lift the dumbbell at all with my left arm and had it rather dangerously close to my face. My common sense kicked in and I went right back to my familiar territory, 8 sets of 8 reps with 100lb dumbbells. It was a little stupid, because I had not been training at all for moving to higher weight classes and simply judged myself to be good enough. When you are pushing this kind of weight, hubris is ridiculously dangerous. Karma ended up dropping the 100 lb dumbbell on my big left toe. Fortunately nothing went wrong other than bruising, but I had a brief “OH FUCK” moment immediately upon impact. Remembering what broken felt like with my hand (almost exactly a year ago), I evaluated myself to be fine. Still. Stupid of me.
I have been enjoying the H20 sessions provided by my fellow friends every Wednesday. Although its just my second session, I feel like I have been exposed to far more perspectives on theology than I would have been if left to my own devices. There’s a lot that we have covered that I won’t simply summarize right here, but needless to say, I’m enjoying what the discussions (not to mention the also generous/delicious dinners they have been providing!)
Anyways, I must head to bed. I have to work at the clinic tomorrow at 9am. Gross.