>What am I?


I suppose one of my biggest issues is being anti social. Take for instance- at the gym. I like to go in, focus on the exertion and leave. Recently, I have started to talk to some of the guys at the gym, realizing that I have seen some of them for literally years and never said hi. Is social interaction so hard? I suppose not, except when you meet some socially awkward person. Today I met a few new guys, and one of them flat out made me feel like I wasn’t even there. Its sort of like when you are talking to somebody and they walk away while you are mid-sentence. I’ve seen him do this to some of the others, so its not like he’s picking on me to make me feel like a complete tard (try finishing a sentence in public with no audience- hello bizarre). Still, I would rather not have met him at all, since this would mean I would not have to say hi to him everyday, since I literally do see him everyday. Saying an awkward hi is such a pain in the ass. I would rather not have friends, than have to force conversations out with people I barely know. Gah.

I am already shy as is. Growing up in a situation where you are always the loner makes it very difficult to deal with ignoring what people think about you. I am always worrying about what people think about me. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I didn’t know anybody and didn’t have to worry about it. Than I could just wallow the rest of my years in self pity and achieve absolutely nothing with my life.

Call me anti-social, but I would rather not meet people, than deal with awkward situations.

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