>Workout; biceps at 30lbs
Diet; turkey dinner
I don't know what is wrong with me, I'm really moody these days. I feel like I have no purpose or goals. I feel completely useless right now. A season where we are supposed to be closer with our family and friends is not happening. I feel like I'm not putting enough effort into that, and yet I don't feel like socializing at the same time. Sigh what is wrong with me.
It also doesn't help that I am feeling down under the weather with a light cold. Nothing major, a snivelly nose, kind of sore throat and an energy level that feels like not doing anything. Today's workout was terrible. I am adding weight next week, it was too light and I was rather unchallenged. But on top of that my head really hurt like pounding headache compounded with blood rush from strain. Lovely.
I'm also mildy depressed about where life is taking me. I deeply miss the constant daily blasts I had hanging out with my good friends. Now it seems that those times are more and more scarce and on top of that they are becoming difficult to coordinate. I don't want to become that spinster who hangs out with the tv for the next half of my life. Sigh I hate finishing school. I reall hope I get into graduate school.
In other news I am particularly excited about coffee with an old friend this Saturday. I have lots of catching up to do!
I'm also curious how I am going to handle my upcoming advanced practicum. I hope I still have the enthusiasm, passion and wits to teach high school!
I've also given some thought t my anti -social complex. I love talking and hanging out, but I don't like bar settings or clubs. So hence when a bunch of people do the invites, I decline. Why? It is the perfect opportunity to meet people, like that super sweet person on our Florida cruise with the help of my wingman Howie. I can't meet people or fill this void of social life that careers are invoking if I don't actively put an effort out there.
And yet I don't want to meet new people. It has taken me this long to mature and develop the friends that I care so much for, I don't want to devote time to others. I make friends easily, but little do I develop the intimacy of close relationships that I can confide and put my full trust in.
And yet I feel so ….so lacking. I don't know what it is. I feel severely lacking. I feel unchallenged and unmotivated. Sigh.
I'm going to sleep now.
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